And She's Back!

Man, it's been a long time, huh?
6+ months and here we are again.
First, let me give you a little update on what's been going on:

I graduated!
Holy FREAKING moly.
It was such an amazingly profound moment in my life, as it is with anyone who makes that step forward. For me, it went past the general reasons.
I chose not to walk in my graduation.
And if you know me, I LOVE pomp and circumstance so it's a little strange that I wouldn't want to participate in this.
First, Ohio State is big.
There are so many of us at our commencement that we don't really walk or even have our names called individually, we're called by schools.

 And even though the President of, you know, the UNITED STATES was the speaker (regardless of your political views, you have to admit, that's kind of really cool!) there was something inside of me that was really pushing against making too big of a deal of this graduation.
Let me explain to you all why.

I got a lot of grief for this, actually.
People telling me that I'll regret not partaking in the ceremony and that even if I didn't do it for myself that I should do it for my family and my loved ones, blah blah blah.
That's all well and good, but the main thing on my mind during the graduation season was my adoption.
Let's pause here and rewind 22-ish years so I can explain that one...

Adoption cake!

I was adopted at 18 months old from Honduras, a third-world country, poverty stricken and violence prone.
[Amy Fun Fact: I was born in the murder capital of the world...scary!]
Long story short, my biological mother was young, poor, and unable to care for me and so she made the choice to offer another family an opportunity to care for me better than she would have been able to.
The Wills Family and I chose each other and we have lived happily ever after :)

Michael, me, Jeffrey, Mom, & Dad!

 Fast-forwarding to now.
It was a very humbling accomplishment to not only attend college in the first place, but to then graduate with a degree in which I spent a majority of my time studying my native Latino culture.
And as much as I whined and complained about the work load and the stress that came with it, it is the greatest thing I have ever done because it wasn't only for me but to fulfill a dream of another.

This piece of paper is because of the sacrifice of a mother who selflessly gave up her daughter with the hopes that she could accomplish things that she herself would never be able to do.
And I did.
And that's just beyond amazing.

So that's why I didn't walk.
I didn't need the recognition or the ceremony, it just didn't feel appropriate.
All I needed was my family (and some really yummy cake!) :)

Graduation cake!...are you noticing a theme here?

So what have I been up to post-graduation?
A LOT.
I have started working for an event planner here in Columbus, Emily's Events Etc., LLC.
Emily plans about 70% of the bar/bat mitzvahs here for the Jewish community and takes on numerous weddings each year.
On top of all of that, we have a store on Etsy where we sell original, custom invitations for just about every kind of party/life event there is.
Seriously.
I have learned SO much in such a short time and I am beyond thankful for Emily's mentorship and patience (I can't cut a straight line with a paper cutter to save my life, yet!)

We joke that we live in the future.
Seriously, right now, at the beginning of October 2013, we are planning for events in November 2014...
Weekends don't really exist and 9-10 hour days are pretty average.
But hear me when I say, I completely ADORE my job.

We plan for happy and celebratory moments.
We plan for potential disasters at said events and always have back-up plans, just in case.
We plan for people who don't know how to plan for themselves and keep them calm and sane.
And in the mean time, we have to maintain our own sanity.
(Did I mention Emily has a family of 5, too?!--she really does deserve to be initiated into Sainthood.)
And if you are to really think about it, planning weddings, mitzvahs and everything else is actually the easy part. Well...easier.
It's life that's the tricky one.

You really can't plan around much when it comes to your own life, ya know?
You can't make your plans around somebody else's wants or dreams for their own life and you can't even plan around what you think the plan is for your own life.
I've learned this the hard way over the past couple of months and it has emotionally drained me.
My well has been dry and I've been trying my best to work through the different feelings that we all can experience when things don't work out as planned:

Sadness

Disappointment

Regret

Worthlessness

Inadequacy

Helplessness

It's so easy to get stuck inside of those feelings and to even get comfortable there.
But that's just so miserable, and we're not meant to live like that.

I was talking with a new friend the other night and while we were sitting on the porch, drinking a glass of wine and watching the rain pour down, we were reminded just how awesome it is that there is someone that knows the plans for our lives.
Someone who knows exactly what we need, when we need it and how to manifest those needs.
It's someone who wants nothing but the best for us.
And the most awesome part of this is that we don't have to worry about making "the plan" or following "the plan" because He has already made for us.
All we have to do is be willing to listen and surrender our hearts to where we're called to be.
Think about it....
God is pretty awesome.

Nice segue into the concept of calling, huh?
I know a lot of people are perplexed, concerned, thrilled, relieved, and everything in between about the fact that I have decided against seminary for the time being.
Some may say it's the wrong decision because they think I should be in ministry; on the other hand there are those who have scratched their heads whenever I said that was "the plan" for my life in the first place.
(This might sound like I think people are more interested in me than they probably are, but these are actual reactions and conversations I've had with people...)
Either way, here's the thing:
You cannot out run a call.
I'm 100% convinced.
If God wants you there, you'll make it there.
Seminary has never been "off the table" and I've never shut the door on it being an option.
If I would have moved forward with it, it would have been for all the wrong reasons and that would have been terrible.
For now, I am extremely confident in the decision that I have made to follow my heart.
And I am happy.

So what's the future of the 2012 Seminary Tour? (I really need to reconsider the name of this now considering 2013 is almost over...ha ha!)
I have the most supportive parents in the world who believe in the importance of this tour and have been encouraging me to finish.
I have also been blessed with a personal cheerleader in Nick Works from Wesley Theological who sends me encouraging emails from time to time, always filled with curiosity, wisdom, and support.
So I'll complete this journey.
Three more schools, but definitely not in three more months.... (seriously, I should post a picture of my calendar. Insanity.)
But I'll do it.
Just keep an eye out!
Also, if there are ever any further questions anyone might have about the schools I have been to, don't hesitate to ask- that's the point of this thing!

Blessings, peace and so much joy to all of you!

Spilling the Beans

WHEW!
It is finally Spring Break for us Ohio State students!
Nothing earth shattering is going on for me this week, I'll mainly just be reorganizing my life and my house in preparation for the 57 days of school I'll have left before a graduate....but who's counting?...
Originally, the plan I had was to head out West to California to make the Claremont visit. I was looking forward to getting out of this Ohio cold and seeing my Aunt, Uncle and cousin who don't live too far from the school.
Unfortunately, it just wasn't in the cards for this time. Oh well! I'll get out there eventually, as well as to the others I have left.

I keep forgetting that this "deadline" for the completion of this tour is completely self-decided.
I'm the one who has been expecting to be finished by a specific date and there's no one that I have to answer to when accomplishing it. Which, the more I think about it, is pretty awesome.
I was talking with my mom the other day about how much frustration I've been feeling with myself for not being able to finish this tour in the projected time that I originally had in my head. As always, she shared with me a really great tip about setting goals that she has found to be useful in her own business.
Goal setting is all about writing it down.
Seriously, there are studies on this!
So she told me to write down 3 different dates:
1. The "Awesome" date of when I hope to have completed the tour-- February 2013
2. The "Great" date of when I hope to have completed the tour-- May 2013
3. The "Good" date of when I hope to have completed the tour-- September 2013
The idea behind this is that no matter which one you accomplish, you're still reaching a goal!
It's ALL in how you think about it.

Now, if you've ever been getting ready to graduate, you know the number one question that gets asked by anyone that you come in contact with:
What are your plans for after graduation????
Seriously, if I had a nickle...
Anyway, I've tried to avoid the question at all costs for the past couple of months and for a couple of different reasons.
First, because for a while I was really unsure of my decision. And not about whether or not it's right for me- because it 100% is- but because of this blog.
Second, because when you say something, name it out loud, it becomes real. And that's kind of really scary.

So it's time to spill the beans:
I will not be attending seminary come the Fall and I did not apply to any of the schools.
I will be taking time off to work, save up money, and really spend some intentional time thinking about what my call in life looks like.
Now, there is another reason for this gap in between schooling.
When I started the tour back in February of 2012, I thought that I had somewhere around two more years left of undergrad. That would have put me graduating in the Spring 2014, meaning I wouldn't start at seminary until the Fall of the same year.
I found out this past September (2012) that because of the amount of work I've accomplished (and the sheer grace of God), I was actually going to be graduating in Spring 2013! AKA very soon!
This was such an exciting piece of news, but it also meant that the timeline I had drawn up in my head was now completely subject to change.
The change of time meant that I would have had to start applications right then to get them done efficiently and effectively on time. Can y'all tell I'm a bit of a Type A?....
I had to prepare myself to uproot from my family, my friends, and my church home in a matter of 10 months, and it also meant that I would be applying and (hopefully) being accepted to a seminary before I was even finished visiting all 13 of the schools.
Now, I have always been a gut-instinct kind of person; when I know, I just know.
But I also know that even though my blog and my personal journey aren't anything that The Post will be writing about, it is important to me that the integrity of it remain in tact.
For that to happen, I felt as though I have had to remain neutral and unbiased, which meant visiting each and every school prior to applying to any of them.
I've prayed endlessly about what decision would be the right way to move forward and have heard in response that this is the next step.
You just never know where God will lead unless you're willing and open to explore everywhere He is.

Man.
That was a lot of information.
Soooooo....
There are three more schools to visit: Claremont School of Theology, Boston School of Theology, and St. Paul School of Theology.
I can't guarantee when those will happen exactly, all I can promise is to let you know when I know.
In between those visits I'll be posting and keeping you all updated (and hopefully entertained and convincing enough to keep you reading) on various things...
i.e. commonly asked questions about this adventure, a little more information on myself, a guest blogger, oh, and the Asbury blog!! etc. etc. etc.
And if there's anything specific y'all want to know or hear about, comment on here and I'll work it out.

The support I receive is what keeps me going.
And I am beyond thankful and humbled by everyone I've met along the way.
I think the most important thing I've come to understand is that it doesn't necessarily matter how much time you take to get to where you're supposed to go as long as the only direction you're moving is forward.

Peace, blessings, and joyful days to all of you :)

Psalm 61

It's been almost a month since my last post.
I'm forever sorry!
Since the beginning of this year I have found myself to be feeling a little more overwhelmed than normal. I think it's because of this weird transition that I'm preparing for: the shift from student-who-is-figuring-it-all-out to adult-who-should-have-her-stuff-together-by-now.
The amount of worrying I have been doing is more than normal, more than healthy, and also more than useless- we all know what the good ol' Bible tells us about that one, right? (Read: Matthew 6: 25-27)

Last week was one of the best weeks I've had in such a long time.
The Bible study I have been attending this year, Sunagó, invited me to lead their study on James 4.
It was the first time in almost two and a half years that I have accepted a leadership position like that. 
When I was leading Tuesday night, I was terrified but exhilarated all at the same time and it left me on a Holy Spirit High like you would not believe.
Later that week I had my first "big girl" interview for a job in an area of work I've been interested in for a while.
Also terrifying and exciting, and I walked out with a make-shift internship!
I spent the weekend with friends, catching up on sleep and school work.
It was good.

Then the start to this week was like a smack in the noggin with a 2x4.
The worry and concern have all set back in and I'm finding myself... overwhelmed;
By the prospect of what the future holds and whether or not I'm doing all I need to get there.
I used to always wonder how those crystal balls would work if they were real.
You know, the ones that fortune tellers use?
Would there be an exact image of the various happenings in our life?
Or would it just show the outcome? Like the final scene in any given story.
Could we ask it a specific questions and know the answer within seconds?
That would be really nice right now.
But since I'm 22 years old and the hope that magic would help me to see into my future subsided when I realized Santa and the Easter Bunny weren't real, I have to do the grown-up thing and have faith.
In times of hardship I've always been more of a pray-er than a scripture reader but I have found Psalm 61 to be a comfort to me today.

I'll be posting more frequently now- I think that is one of my (better late than never) Lenten selections.
I hope you all are finding peace and reflection in your own choices for this season, too.


I leave you with peace, blessings, and this reminder: